Survival Foods

For anyone who has routed through Thailand at any point, they likely know that the word "farang" means foreigner. The origin of the word stems from farang and foreigner sounding close enough to each other to the Thai but amusingly in the Thai language also means guava. So, in Thailand when I'm not blending in so effectively, I'm a fruit. Doug the Guava. I guess all things considered it could be worse because rarely do you ever hear a Thai use farang with disdain. Maybe farang are popular fruits here, like, say, Durian? That green spiky fruit is incredibly popular for many and reviled by many more thanks to a pungent smell that some say reminds them of sweet custardy onions, others say smells like rot. Personally I like Durian but there are enough people in this part of the world that don't like it that it has been banned from airplanes (in case you were interested in flying anywhere with one. I know I was..). In essence, Durian is like Britney Spears- you either love it or you hate it.. no in between.

Another interesting food that you can use to survive should you find yourself in downtown Bangkok with no food, all restaurants closed and no interest in feasting on the legions of dried cuttlefish available from street vendors, is a reedy water plant called the Lotus. A collage of leafy leaves, whitish flowers and green seed pods, you can pick off the seed pod and peel away all the fiber to expose seeds that taste like sweet peas once you peel 'em. There was a great seed pod smack in the center of Wat Pra Kao today that I chowed down on. Right in the middle of the temple complex where no food (durian, or cuttlefish for that matter) is available but man, was I hungry. Mmmm! Good eatin'. When I come back here again with dad you can believe that I'm gonna make a beeline for the same plant and make him sample this like Bear Grylls Survives Thailand.

Hopped a water taxi this morning up the Chao Praya River, and what a great deal that is- essentially 50 cent boat trip to dodge a 20 dollar cab ride. All you have to do is make sure you don't fall in and enjoy the ride. You can take the water taxi to the temples north of the hotel and on one side you can see Wat Arun (Temple of Dawn) while on the other bank is Wat Pra Keo (Golden Palace) and Wat Pho (Reclining Buddha). Wat Arun is a little more remote, but still highly accessible via another water taxi so when Dad and I come through here in a few weeks we'll be visiting this one:

I thought this sign was hilarious- some massage specialists trying to advertise, but how could anyone smile like that with themselves bent almost backward with a foot jammed in the spine?

Heading about a block inland, first stop was Wat Pho, home of a massive gold gilded Buddha:

After that, I headed down to Wat Pra Keo via Tuk Tuk (open air 3-wheeled scooter turned taxi that has the ability to weave in & out of traffic unlike a taxi). Wat Pra Keo is the Emperor's palace and is home to some of the most stunning temples in all of Southeast Asia:

One thing I wanted to try and had interesting results with was using my cameras "Smile Detector".. a new program that Sony has installed in their Cybershot models. Essentially, you set the camera to not take a picture until it detects a smile... and it works, believe it or not. So, I thought it would be interesting to see if it worked with statues too! After trying and trying, I was thoroughly impressed with my camera being smart enough to know I was screwing with it and trying to get it to take a pic of a statue. Ha! Silly man, I know what you are doing. But then, one statue for some reason pulled it off and the below image is proof. Given that this dude clearly isn't smiling and he's actually made of stone I don't know what made the camera take the pic.

Over the years, I have visited this one street vendor guy over and over when in Bangkok because I'm so impressed with his craft. In Seattle, I have a center collection fixture of mini flowers, plants, animals and insects that the guy hand makes out of rattan and coconut dry leaf, then colors and glues together. It's been six years since I was last in Bangkok, and I was wondering if he was still around.. he is.

Right next to this, a woman grinding some of the hottest chili's on the planet in a pestle. All you need to do is touch this stuff and it'll make your lips go numb, nose run and neck, scalp and forehead sweat for 45 minutes.

Wrapped up the day at the Oriental Hotel patio overlooking the Chao Praya River for dinner. Then back to the room to pack and prep for tomorrows flight to Kathmandu.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!!

I'm sitting at a Starbucks at 06:45 on a Monday morning and it's closed. How on earth a Starbucks is closed at this time of morning is beyond me, but it's flat-out closed. Maybe once they finally do open on banker's hours I'll go inside and find out that the store also doesn't serve coffee also..

Today I'm going to hit Wat Pra Kao, Wat Po and finalize dad's and my return flight info with a local Thai Airways ticket office. I don't think that I'll be online again until I hit Kathmandu because my flight tomorrow is early and the Holiday Inn does a good job in raping touristas with its Internet service. $25 for a 24 hour connection. Hold on while I laugh at that one.

One quick story before I head. Maybe not the best Easter story, but still unique and I think in many ways I have tried to capture some of the essence of this trip- the good, the bad, and the strange. So in that light, I think this is a pretty good story. I went to one of those foot massage specialists and this guy (we'll affectionately call him #21 since I couldn't read his name tag other than a "21") started going to town on my feet. I don't normally like people touching my feet anyway but Asians swear by foot reflexology so why the heck not.

Matthew, Tyler, Christopher and Connor- no more reading.

A few minutes into the foot massage #21 was working the tar out of my feet. "Holy shit! What the hell was that!?" I yell as a searing hot pain shoots up the side of my leg, into my butt and along my back- all the way up to my neck. He said something like "what, that?" or at least I think that's what #21 said because he did the same exact thing a second time- mainly to make me writhe in pain I think.

-insert translation here and literal English wording from the translator- "you need to poop more. You aren't pooping enough". Literally. That's no joke. So each part of your foot apparently has a special nerve that is attributed to a part of your body. Where the pain is? Problems lurk. So the reflexologist specialist painfully releases all of this built up.. pain.. and then -poof- problem is solved. Heart, stomach, small intestines, etc.

Ever have another complete stranger guy ask you if you are taking enough dumps in the presence of a room full of men and women? All conversation stops, all eyes turn to you- the bright red-faced foreigner who has to have it repeated in two languages just to make sure that he got the message right. The guy at the piano may as well stop playing too if this were a cowboy movie.

Yeah, it was an experience for me too. Then here's the crazy part. #21 is then going to town on my big toe and there's all sorts of weirdness going on. Feels like #21's running his finger over a string by my bone. "Oh, don't worry it's just a nerve". Ok, no problem #21. Let's go a little easy on that one, k? Apparently whatever that nerve was and other work on that searing hot nerve did the trick though because I must have taken like 5 craps in the day since.

23 Mar: Bangkok

So Bangkok. What a great town of electricity, chaos and amazingly friendly people. Amazing Thailand! Upon arriving last night I immediately noticed that this developing nation hasn't let the ability to grow ignore it's largest and grandest city. The first sign: Don Muang, the crumbling yet large hub airport has been replaced with a brand spanking new international one that is pretty flippin' nice. Grabbing my mass of bags I easily found a cab and zipped into the city center with hardly any traffic or difficulty making my hotel which as it turns out is the same exact hotel that I stayed at on my first trip to Thailand in '99.. now under a different
name and brand.


Some areas of the streets and city remain the same, but with impressive growth. For example, Siam Square has always been one of the larger places for shopping in the city, but when I hailed a cab to grab some quick food at the Hard Rock Cafe it took me quite some time to recognize streets that used to be fairly quiet and are now an array of neon, shops and 30' TV screens pointed down to the streets below while fans scream up at their favorite soccer teams playing away.

After dinner I headed to Patpong.. one of the more notorious areas of town which features something called a Night Market. Here, you can buy T-shirts, Thailand trinkets and a knock-off of just about anything you want. In '99 I picked up a fake-o Rolex that still keeps very good time even today. Last night, I looked at fake-o Rolexes that cost $50 and are so realistic that even if you handed me one I might not recognize it's fakeness. Sweep hand, weight, similar metals, etc. Want an IWC? How about a Breitling? If watches aren't your fare you can always find Ray-Bans or Polo shirts. I picked up a pair of lightweight Tasco expeditionary binos for
$12 and a camera tripod for $5.




While Patpong does have a good number of skeezy clubs right on the street, it also has one of my favorite "clean" night clubs in the whole of Bangkok (Radio City), which fortunately is still in business. While in '99 I might have thought this place was going to implode from disrepair, it probably hasn't seen one days' worth of maintenance other than some duct tape patchwork. And duct tape, as you may know can fix just about anything. The same lounge singers are still working the stage and put on a fantastic show even years later. One guy dressed up like a Thai Elvis comes on and packs the house with Ex-Pats, tourists and Thais alike.


Immediately following, a Thai Tom Jones does his act and makes you laugh just as much as make you impressed with how good his impression really is.


This morning I lazed around the hotel and I think that's when it hit me that I was staying at the exact same hotel that I stayed at years ago. I looked out the circular window and was like- "hey, I know another hotel that has that, how weird".

Finally getting going, I stepped outside and took the Sky Train- Bangkok's elevated subway down to the National Stadium exit for a little under a buck and dropped down to street level for a quick walk to Jim Thompson House. My buddy Chris took me here back in '99 when he was stationed in Bangkok and this was a little known destination not on any map. I clearly remember back then taking a cab, Chris jabbering away in Thai to the driver and us going to two different Jim Thompson stores before he finally called a buddy to get the street address. The Sky Train is a nice addition to relieve the burden on streets around here- what took us close to an hour then took me about 20 minutes today.

Jim Thompson was an OSS agent during WW II who decided he liked Thailand so much that he wanted to stay. As a businessman he saw the value in Thai silk and developed his own conglomerate of local artisans for export to the US. While doing that, he also collected about six Teakwood houses from as far away as Ayyuthia (Thailand's Ancient Capital about an hours drive up the Chao Praya River). Assembling these houses into one massive Teakwood structure he adorned the walls and gardens with paintings, metalwork and sculptures from the surrounding countries as he traveled the area. Today a true tourist destination they have added to the grounds and made it a sight to behold.



From there I walked down a mini river embankment to hop a water taxi to Pantip Plaza. This costs about 10 Baht- 40 odd cents. Other than trying to keep from breathing in the local murk water as it sprays around the boat, this is actually a really fun ride. Wind whipping by and blind deaf from an unmuffled engine 3' from your ear you crank down this 30' wide canal at a rate so fast that looking back you swear the wake is going to jump out of the canal and take out someone walking along the embankment.


Pantip Plaza is a 4-story indoor electronics bazaar where like Patpong you can find and/ or buy just about anything under the sun electronics-wise. I picked up a copy of Windows Office Professional, Student, Small Business, and Home on one CD for $5 and still think I got ripped off. Haji copies of recent releases are $2 and even standard equipment like battery packs for cameras, cameras themselves and laptops are cheaper here than anywhere I have seen.



Walking back to the sky train at the end of a relaxing day, I saw this restaurant which I wasn't too sad to see fairly empty.

22 Mar: SHA->BKK Baggage Hell

I'm in Bangkok now and what a trip getting here. I think I'm going to title this blog "Baggage Hell" because that's where I think I am.

After an almost comical drive to the Shanghai Airport after watching the poor taxi driver struggle with one after another of my giant gear bags, I grab a cart and lug all five of my bags to the check-in counter. I rapidly learn that China Eastern is essentially the AirTran of China. I was already concerned about weight- there wasn't any doubt about that. And this one leg of my trip was going to be the A #1 weak link in terms of baggage allowances. Star Alliance carriers, which I'm largely on throughout this trip will allow me up to 40 kilo of free check through weight thanks to my status with United. China Eastern is on their OFP so they don't have any special allowance for me. My allotted free baggage weight? 20 kilos. TWENTY KILOS. That's like one of my bags and I have three. It's not like I'm gonna toss my ice axe or anything, so this rapidly eroded into an exercise in creative pack job- and which also led to very little sleep last night preparing for this one evolution which admittedly was stressing me out.

I took just about everything of weight and that I knew I wouldn't have trouble with getting onto the cabin out and literally jammed it into one of my carry on bags. Items like crampons, boots, and ice axes were already going to weigh me down, but things like wet-wipes, Sour Patch Kids, and heavier clothing came out of the check bags. After several hours and many trips to the bathroom scale, I had all three check through bags down to 46.6 kilos.

I need to also point out that adding to the stress of this packing job were these two little fun facts: For each kilo over 20 kilos, I get charged $10/kilo. If I'm over 50 kilos the bag doesn't get put on the plane and I have to figure out some other way of getting it to my destination (as in, ship the thing). How you handle this when you are already at the airport and your plane leaves in an hour is beyond me. I had no intention of testing this.

My check in guy was pleasant enough, and then even more pleasantly informed me that my total baggage weight came to 49.6 kilos. So much for accuracy of that bathroom scale, huh. In essence, that meant that I came within a pound of having a bag not make the plane. Happy day, all bags are now on. My penalty? Well, since you seem like a nice guy, I'll only charge you $200. Two hundred freaking bucks! That's like a round trip flight from Seattle to DC. Wtf!? Fine, whatever I say, as the line behind me continues to grow and become even more irritated. Paying the fee at another counter, I have to run back over to get him to check my bags through and then I'm off to the metal detectors/ immigration.

Phase II

There is also rule in Asia that -if- your carry on weighs more than 10 kilo, security can make you go back to the counter and check it through. Ha! One of my bags- the North Face daypack weighs in at 20 kilo- or almost 40 pounds. This because of all the Sour Patch Kids I'm sure. so there I am, in the Shanghai airport lobby right before immigration cross-decking heavier bags and pulling my laptop out, which will remove some weight and which I have to X-ray separately anyway. Success, it actually worked and I was able to get all bags through without a fuss. I repacked while waiting for my flight, replacing the Sour Patch Kids to their rightful place and making room for my laptop again.

Arriving in Bangkok proved some of the same struggles of maneuvering all bags from Point A to Point B, only this time under the oppressive weight of a 90 degree sky. Man, is it hot here..

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